Sometimes you might find yourself arguing with your partner because there is a disagreement on what need to be done. In this case there is no mistake committed so apology is not needed, and there is no misunderstanding, hence you cannot use contrasting to solve the problem. The issue is that, what you both wants seems to be significantly different. Then what do you do? You might be wanting to leave your high paying job and go and start a business, and your partner wants you to stay at the job. Leaving the job and staying at the job are quite different hence there is an argument. When faced with such issues, other people may resolve to force their way and do it anyway, while other people may decide to withdraw. The situation become win-lose or lose-lose when one partner is happy or no one is satisfied with the resolution. Forcing your way and do it even though there is a disagreement may cause more problems and damage the relationship. Supressing yourselves and stop doing it while you are not satisfied will also not help. So violence or silence is not the solution. In such case you need to create a mutual purpose. Creating a mutual purpose will involve four critical steps. These are Commit to seek mutual purpose, Separate strategy from purpose, Formulate a mutual purpose, and Invite new ideas and approaches.
• Commit to seek mutual purpose. Even though it’s like what you both want are far apart like east and west, you need to commit that you will seek something that will satisfy both of you. You need to make this commitment known.
• Separate strategy from purpose. For example you might be wanting to leave your high paying job, because you want to do something that you have a passion for while at the same time bringing more money for the family. Your partner on the other hand might be wanting you to stay at the current job because it provide financial security for the family. She might see, quitting the job as a great security risk. Interestingly, both staying at the job and leaving the job are strategies of making more money for the family. You should separate strategy from purpose.
• Formulate a mutual purpose. You need to analyse and search for the ultimate outcomes of what each wants. It might happen that both of you want to have financial stability over a long period of time. You just differ on the strategies to be used in achieving that purpose. In such case you the mutual purpose is that of achieving financial stability for the family over a long period of time. This is the mutual purpose you need to commit to.
• Invite new ideas and approaches. You need to work on new ideas that can help you to move towards the mutual purpose. What about you commit to starting that business on part time bases and work on it while you keep your job. Maybe you can get additional supporting hands from your partner. In some cases, mutual purpose might be achieved through both of you starting to do some things differently.
Mutual purpose is possible, after all you might find that your differences are not on purpose or wants, it’s just on the approach to achieve it. Avoid forcing your way and doing it alone or doing it against the wishes of your partner, but doing it together will give you more strength.
Ecc 4:9-10 Says “Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labor. (10) For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow; but woe to him who is alone when he falls, for he does not have another to help him.”
Create a Mutual Purpose. From Simtandile Dlepuma. Stay blessed.