What do you do when your partner proves that you are wrong after long and hot argument? Are you able to easily admit that you are wrong when you are angry?
Sometimes ego and pride prevents the speedy resolution to an issue. This happens when a person realizes that he/she is wrong but does not want to admit it publicly. He may continue arguing or decide to be silent because he does not want to be seen as the looser. Such posture delay peace and happiness and prolong pains and tension unnecessary. The common reasons for this kind of behaviour is because we were trained to be the winners, and to come out as better than others from early ages of our lives. We are then in a continuous battle to prove that we are better than others even when it is not necessary. The following steps should help you and your partner to deal with your ego that prevents you from admitting when you are wrong.
- Agree. Find areas of agreement in the current argument. You need to point and emphasize the point of agreement over those of disagreements. Sometimes you are agreeing on the major points, and disagreeing on the minor, but now the minor issues have prevented the resolution. The minor issue has become major issues. You might have agreed on what need to be done, you just differ on when or how it should be done. You can now highlight the point of agreements, park or discuss differently the points of disagreements. Learn to agree and teach your partner to learn to agree.
- Build. If someone say something that you agree with, but has missed some key points, you don’t have to tell him/or her that he is wrong because he has missed the major points. You can build by talking to the areas of agreements first and adding what was missed on them. Start by areas of agreement, and then add the missing points. You can start by saying, “I agree with…., and in addition…” you then add areas that you felt were missing. In this way a person should not feel that you are against him and anything to do with him or her.
- Compare. When it seems that there is no agreement at all. You can still using Comparing technique to repair the broken discussion. You can use assess and confirm your Observation, Interpretations and emotions with the person, and ask him or her to trace his/her observation and Interpretation. You need compare your observation with his/her observations and interpretations. Once you agree on the observations and interpretations, you are likely to finally agree on everything else.
Learning the skills to Agree, Build and Compare (ABC) can save us from lot of pains and help us to build a very strong winning team. Remember that there is weakness in division and there is power in unity. Let us put more effort on things that will make us stronger at the end of the day. Build unity and build your dream team with your partners.
2Co 13:11 Says “Finally, brothers, rejoice. Aim for restoration, comfort one another, agree with one another, live in peace; and the God of love and peace will be with you.”
Build unity. From Simtandile Dlepuma. Stay blessed.